


The Spiral Dance

by justhavesex



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Human!Eren, M/M, angel!Levi, slightly religious undertones, this isn't really romance sooooo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-09-26
Packaged: 2018-04-23 13:11:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4878127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhavesex/pseuds/justhavesex
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everybody has to leave, no one can stay forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Spiral Dance

**Author's Note:**

> be prepared, I was sobbing as I wrote this.

 

 

He always knew he was a crappy angel, he swore too much, he'd always question the authority of other people—cough, God's  _apparent_  word—and eventually, he did something and fucking screwed up. He took the soul of a  _homosexual_  up to hell. Why shouldn't he have? The guy was a fucking saint, a goddamn good Catholic that prayed once a week, which is rare by today's standards, he never even fucking cheated on a test and he thought, why not? The guy didn't really sin to his standards, all he did was get a dick shoved up his ass. Nothing serious.

Wrong.

 _Wrong_.

Apparently it's really fucking serious to let some homo into the gates of Heaven. But  _fuck_ , who the fuck do they think they are getting off by punishing him by sending him to Earth until he quotes—" _You need to re-evaluate your values and self, when you're ready to apologize for what you have done Levi, I will allow you to come back."_ Erwin said, smiling that smug ass smile he always does—and if Levi wasn't currently casted onto Earth, laying in the middle of an open field,  _naked_ , he probably would just find a way to get back up there and kill the bastard. Maybe he'll wax off his eyebrows and suffocate Erwin with them, it'd make for an ironic story to tell in Hell, at least.

He sits up, his muscles aching from the fall and for the first time in his life he feels cold. Ever since his soul was taken up to Heaven nothing has really ever been  _uncomfortable_  for him, mostly because angels feel nothing. Emotions. The whole five senses.  _Nothing_. They merely operate on God's will and the will of the angels that have higher standing than them, but Levi isn't just any fucking angel, he's the angel of fucking  _death_. An angel that is closer to mortals, to the living  _soul_  than anybody else, which makes him exposed to things he probably shouldn't be thinking about. He snorts at the thought of who's going to replace somebody in such an important position as himself, but well who fucking  _cares_.

Because well, now, technically he's a human.

What startles him is the rattling piercing  _cry_  that vibrates through the air the moment his eyes open. He stands, making his way over to where the noise is being produced and cringes at the sight of the tiny baby wrapped tightly in a white  _thin_  cloth, his face a dark crimson red as he screams from the top of his lungs.

 _Abandoned_. His list would probably read,  _Left to die. Heaven_. Except he can no longer ease the suffering of this child, and he stands there, startled. He never really thought much of human's leaving their off-spring to die, merely saw it as a sin: killing another life. And yet, he stands, naked, cold, completely human and all he can do is crouch down, pick up the sobbing child and draw him to his chest in hopes of giving the baby more heat. "What the fuck do I do with a human brat?"

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

Eren turns three.

Levi, having not really understood birthday parties for the past two previous years had finally found articles on ' _birthday parties_ ' and their said expressions on various parenting sites and decided to buy two small cupcakes from their locations local bakery and bought Eren a few stuffed toys. He doesn't understand the human affiliation with so many material objects, but he's learned quickly that they're apparently  _very_  important to human development. He's pretty sure that's technically considered a sin to be so attached to material objects, something to do with greed, but he's realized in the daily life of humans they care  _very_  little about God and the whole scheme of things.

"Levi?" Eren asks, wide green eyes looking up at him, and Levi keeps his body turned to the window, elbow on the edge as the sun wraps around him. The weather has slowly been getting warmer, but it's between warm and cold, and it's difficult to figure out if he should put a heavy coat or a thin one on Eren. Generally he opts for the thinner one because Eren is always moving, but right now in the general public area amongst humans of all sorts, everybody is coughing and looking like their a step close to death, and Levi would rather not have Eren sick. More importantly, can  _he_  get sick? Eren blinks, the front of his shirt rolled up and tied to the collar, a giant green blotch on the middle of his stomach and Levi doesn't even want to  _know_  what Eren has been doing as he's been zoned out.

"What's that?" Levi finally asks, eyes regarding the Ken barbie doll in his hands and the purple dress Eren's managed to shove him into. Eren looks down, regarding his doll with what Levi likes to refer to as 'child thought process' and has apparently thought of a proper response as he holds out the doll, teeth smiling at him brightly.

"Doll!"

 _A fucking genius I got here_.

"No, why is he in a dress?"

Eren apparently doesn't understand the question at all, so he shrugs it off and tosses the doll to the middle of the floor as he waddles off to go destroy something else. Well, in comparison he knows Eren is a lot better than most boys his age. Apparently most three year old boys find it hilarious to make giant messes all day, Eren is more of the quiet play-by-himself (in a loud, annoying way, but to himself) by playing out scenes with his toys and giving them sound effects and drawing pictures for Levi at pre-school to give to Levi when he get's home from work. Their fridge is literally  _covered_  in pictures of weird circular lines that look like absolutely nothing. But it keeps him quiet, and Levi doesn't really care much for the decoration of the fridge anyway.

Eren sits down at his bright yellow kids table, contemplating whether or not a pink line or a blue line would be better to shove into Levi's hands and Levi sighs, glancing at his phone to scowl at the time. Time always passes by so quickly in the human realm, that's the one thing he can never adjust too. Then again when it comes to work he suspects it's a good thing he finds that it passes so quickly or else he'd probably find his job quite a miserable one. "Eren what should we have for dinner?"

Eren looks up, wide innocent eyes blinking at him in wonder.

"Pasta?"

Eren stares on.

"Do you want some of that nasty orange shit?"

Eren smiles brightly, " _Yeah_!"

His life on Earth has been dull ever since he came to understand the usage of food, drinking water and changing a diaper. He met a nice old lady on the outskirts of the field she found him wandering around with Eren, never asked too many questions and taught him everything he needed to know in just a few months. She called up her son in some big city and got him a job there and told him that he'd better always take care of Eren, and Levi had promised he would. In his own way he's fond of the life he's built here, Eren is a good enough kid and he feels as though he's responsible for him. Plus, he see's no need to hurry up in his going to be completely  _insincere_  apology. Ever since he's become ' _human_ ' he's become more absolute in his thoughts.

"I like Jean," Eren says standing up and shoving a penciled picture of some weird-ass looking people. Levi just stares at the picture, nods and puts it on the fridge with a curt ' _nice, kid_ '. And Eren crawls up onto his chair at the table, watching Levi cook.

"Jean?"

"Jean."

Levi looks over his shoulder, squinting at how Eren smiles at him all school-girl like, eyes shining bright with something he doesn't really understand. He shakes off the feeling, a sort of forewarning emotion that crawls in his gut and sits in there. "They better be good looking."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

"I'm concerned about his development." She's average-pretty, big wide eyes but her skin is stale and cracked from obsessive use of make-up, not that she isn't pretty, but Levi isn't necessarily attracted to the human species. Or any species. Angels don't feel emotions like that, they work and work and work for all of eternity with no breaks, no love, no  _nothing_. In Heaven his fellow angels talk a lot of shit about humans and their sins, but Levi's starting to feel like they live a lot more than he's ever had the chance too. His eyes dart over to where Eren is explaining, very  _thoroughly_  to Mikasa on why orange and red are different colours.

"Oh?"

"He has troubles paying attention in class," Levi furrows his brows at that statement because that can't be right. Eren's always been a quiet attentive type. He focuses on one thing and get's the job done (or how else would he fill Levi's fridge with horrendously drawn portraits of the two of them together). She continues, "He's excessively violent with the other children at times, too."

Eren has always been gentle. Quiet. Soft.  _Too_ quiet, soft and gentle. At times Levi was worried that Eren would grow up being a doormat to everybody in his life. He's raised Eren since the brat's penis looked like a shriveled piece of lettuce and now some teacher is telling him Eren has behavioural issues? Troubles paying attention?

Levi's eyes land on Eren, eyes narrowing.

"Oi, brat. Come."

Eren instantly obey's, throwing down his toys and rushing over to where Levi is sitting and the teacher looks momentarily shocked at the fact that Eren would come when called. Isn't that what kids do? Obey and shut their mouths until nobody is around to make them shut up and sit down anymore. "Yes Levi?"

"She tells me you don't pay attention in class, and you're beating other kids up? Hey brat, that doesn't sound like something you should be doing. What do I say? What are the rules, huh?"

Eren looks down, twiddling his fingers as his cheeks puff out. "Obey, sit down and shut up..."

" _Ohhh_ , so you do remember." Levi's eyes turn stern and the teacher looks baffled, trying to interrupt with words ' _Mr. Ackerman this may not be_ _appropriate_ —' and Eren actually looks sulky from being scolded. "Are you rebelling? Do you like hurting other people?"

"No!"

"Then, why are you disobeying what I'm saying? Huh? It better be a goddamn good reason, Eren."

"It's all the horse-faces fault!" Eren says, his voice close to a scream.

"Eren that is not a nice thing to say—"

Eren huffs, "He  _is_  a horse-face."

"So, what did Jean do to you?" She asks nicely, her voice sickly sweet and Levi takes to crossing his arms and leaning back into his chair, eyebrows raised. If he remembers correctly, Jean was Eren's crush a few years back? For quite awhile, too. Eren fiddles around, looking sheepish in every way of the word, and Mrs. Ral or whatever her name is, Levi tends to forget most humans names out of habit from his previous  _work_  line, seems baffled. "Eren?"

"Answer."

"Yes!" Eren chirps quickly, body straightening out at the simple command Levi had given, "Hors— _Jean_  always says that Levi can't be my dad because I have no mom, and he makes fun of me. So I beat him up."

" _Ho_?" It actually is amusing, being honest. Humans always are so fickle with the simplest things. Eren is no exception, Levi knows this. Humans always fall into the temptation of sin whether they even know they're falling or not, his eyes flicker over to where Mikasa and Armin are standing, watching Eren with wide frightful eyes as though expecting him to suddenly lash out and try to claw at Levi's and Mrs. Ral's face. "I'm not your dad."

Eren's eyes widen, and Mrs. Ral is suddenly choking on thin air.

"But it means nothing. Blood relations are meaningless aside from the fact you shouldn't be sleeping or kissing those that share blood."

Eren's eyes shine in confusion, probably because Levi just gave Eren a very angel-like-lecture— _Sin 54_ :  _Those that share bloodily fluid with kin in a sexual way are not meant for Heaven_ —of course Eren, a mere 7 year old, would not understand this. Levi's eyes flicker out to the window, the sky is bleeding shades of orange, the tree's rustling in the wind and finally Levi looks down to Eren. "But I'm your parent. Do you understand?"

"Nope," Eren says, almost sounding meaningful. "If you're not my dad than who are you?"

He thinks back to when he fell from Heaven because of some stupid punishment Erwin had executed onto him, how Eren had been a tiny infant dying in the middle of a cold field. He remembers watching a movie with a similar type of theme, except it was a teenage boy and a female angel, what did she call herself?  _Ah_ , Levi's lips curl upwards into a mocking smile, dropping a hand onto Eren's head. "Your guardian angel, brat."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

Eren turns 12 and the flood gates open up.

Not literally, but it sure as hell feels like it to Levi. Eren is absolutely dramatic about  _everything_ —'Levi you ate the last cookie! Fuck you! I hate you!'—and everything in-between. As a child Eren was pleasant, obedient and soft-worded and now Eren is a ball of stress that Levi wants to break with his fist. He remembers Mrs. Ral saying something about how children have certain  _phases_  about not being related to their adoptive parents. Which Levi doesn't understand, Levi isn't Eren's adoptive parent, he isn't even sure he has the legal paperwork that claims Eren is under his adult-ly guidance. If anything Eren should be fucking  _grateful_  Levi picked the brat out of that field instead of letting him rot there.

He can feel the pressure of Heaven getting heavier on his back, the constant hum of Erwin trying to connect with him, probably shocked that Levi's lasted this long on Earth already. Except it isn't a matter of whether Levi  _wants_  to go back now or not, he has Eren here and as annoying as the brat is, he can't just abandon him when he doesn't even know what the word 'ignorant' means.

He brings down the knife harshly onto the cutting board, and Eren falls silent.

Ah, he forgot Eren was bitching about something.

"Look brat, I get it, your upset I'm not your daddy or whatever but you need to shut the fuck up and  _calm_  the fuck down before I accidentally murder you." Levi blurts out, mostly because it's 89% the truth. Eren's lips thin, his eyes narrowing.

"Why did you adopt me?"

Levi blinks. Humans are always so  _baffling_ , very confusing, he doesn't understand a single thought process they seem to go through in their emotion ridden brains. "I didn't."

Eren simply looks more confused, "What do you mean you didn't adopt me? That doesn't even make  _sense_!"

"I found you in a field," Levi says blandly, and Eren recoils in shock. "I was sent there as punishment and you were in the field abandoned. I decided to take you with me, mostly as collateral. Sadly, we both survived." It's true, half way through hearing Eren screaming at the top of his lungs because he was hungry and Levi butt-naked and cold he was hoping Eren would peacefully past away and an angel would descend and find them both and bring them  _both_  back. Due to that old lady's kindness they survived though, and here Levi is, cutting up vegetables in an apron at 7 AM in the morning on a Tuesday.

Before he wouldn't have even known what a Tuesday is.

"Collateral?"

"That they would come get me quicker if I had a human baby." Levi says vaguely, before he finally turns off the stove and pours everything out onto their plates before dropping them onto the table. "I'm still not sure what adoption is, I assume it is when humans take in abandoned human infants?" Eren is momentarily silent and Levi relishes in the silence, taking a long thoughtful bite out of his food. Just for the kick of it, he adds, "An old lady took us in for a couple of months before her son got me a job in his company. We moved here, and now here we are."

"What about the people that were supposed to come get you?"

Levi blinks, surprised that  _that's_  what Eren took out of the story, but then again he guesses it's because Eren is an idiot. Levi hums thoughtfully, looking out to the window where he can feel Erwin's presence becoming thicker, more insistent. "They want me to go back. That bastard is quite persistent."

The light flickers, as though almost being annoyed. Eren just looks more confused. "And you're not going? I don't mind moving that much..."

Levi chokes briefly.

He almost forgot that to humans ' _moving_ ' simply means relocating, a simple everyday occurrence to them. His lips thin, a pensive look on his face as he finally places down his fork. He wonders why his tone takes such a grave wary note, "Once I leave you may not come with me."

Eren's slams down his cutlery at that, angrily rising as he growls, "So what? You just plan on abandoning me like my parents did?! Going to find a nice fucking open field to—"

"Sit." Levi says, voice low. Eren's eyes fueled with rage, anger, betrayal, hurt, for a moment Levi has to steady himself, remind himself that he is not human and he cannot stay in the same realm with Eren forever. He can't be like the usual human parents that die before their children when they're roughly around 40 years old. He will have to leave Eren's side within just a few years, though he knows Eren won't be able to understand something as simple as that. "I'm not going to abandon you."

Eren doesn't look pacified, "Then what are you planning?"

"Everything has an expiry date," Levi says, remembering vaguely something Hanji once told him about. A quote, a ancient memo that was written in stone. He wonders vaguely if Eren will understand, "My time here will come to an end, but I will make sure you are not fucking butt-naked in a field. You'll grow fucking wrinkly and you'll get married maybe have some tiny little brats yourself and then I will see you again."  _When you die_ , Levi adds afterwards in his thoughts. He assumes once he goes back he'll be back in charge of taking souls, Eren's will be no exception.

Eren obviously doesn't understand because his eyes scream untamed anger and Levi sighs, pressing his thumb into his temple. "Just stop brooding over it, I won't be leaving until you're a goddamn adult."

There's a long silence, Eren taking small mouse bites of his food before he says, more softly. "Do you have to leave?"

Levi's eyes flash, that weird parental affection he's begun to feel for Eren seeping heavily into the marrow of his bones. If he had the choice, if everything was moved by his will he wouldn't want to leave until he was on death's bed, but the call for him to return to Heaven isn't just a simple whisper in his ear, it's a screech, a heavy feeling that fills the skin on his back, as though threatening to summon up his wings and drag him back to the sky.

He sighs.

"Don't eat like you're on a fucking diet, hurry up so we can go."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

When Eren was still in pre-school Levi remembers attending a school play, this was still in his early  _human_  years. The mothers and fathers would speak to him in hushed impressed tones, telling him how they're impressed what a  _good_  child Eren is. Eren had been happy that day, waving to Levi with chubby small hands, and it almost looked as though he was reaching out to Levi from his spot on the stage. Levi could imagine letting his wings expand, the white feathers feeling the breeze again for the first time in  _years_ —only because of humans had he begun to understand the flow of time—and touching the tips of Eren's fingers with his own.

Humans muse that when they touch an angel there'll be a halo glow, that time will stop and romance will bloom between the two. But it is not true, Levi knows that when humans touch an angel when they're still alive—if the angel is not fallen like himself—the glow of Heaven is too strong and their skin burns, and their souls will leave their fleshy bodies and float within the angels haloed wings. When angels had come to learn that they could not live amongst humans they went upwards to where humans could no longer touch them. Humans used to be so dear to their kind, in the early stages of mankind, angels would grieve the death of each human and sing a prayer that they would be made internal souls. Now, there is simply too many humans too grieve and Levi had found himself taking souls without an ounce of regret, angels hanging their heads unable to admit that they have become cold.

For them time is forever, something that does not move. At this point, Levi had begun to understand that time is  _not_  stagnant: not for angels, or for humans. With the flow of human kind, must be the adaption of him and his angel kin.

Levi hums, voice low as he stares out the fogged window of their home, wondering when they had become so cold. Was it in the 15th century? Was it much,  _much_ , before that? He can no longer remember. A part of him is now scared as he looks down to the humans and their colourful umbrella's in the rainy weather, when he'll forget all this, that he'll forget Eren and his time with humans and return to how he was before all this had happened to him.

"Levi?" Eren pops up from the corner, eyes wide and Levi lazily turns his head to see Eren covered in paint; was it for an art show? Eren had mentioned it a week or two ago that he's painting for one of their high school school plays. Levi wonders if he should mention the one that Eren played in when he was a toddler, but a part of him is too lazy to try and revive the memory completely. "Was that you singing?"

The hum of Erwin is in the forethought of his thoughts, Levi wonders if it shows in his eyes because Eren's voice is high and worried. "Levi?"

"Yes." Levi says curtly, turning his neck to see the out-line of Erwin's shadow in the window. "I was remembering something about human kind."

Either Eren is used to his weird way of speaking, or Eren is simply too stupid to pick up on it, Levi does not know. "What about it?"

"Humans grow so quickly. In numbers, in body strength, height, weight, you move through life so quickly and my kind could not keep up so we merely abandoned humans and began to treat your kind as jobs." Erwin's hum becomes louder and aggravated Levi snaps, "Shut the  _fuck_  up Erwin."

"Levi?"

He turns his head to Eren, eyes narrowed. Eren has grown tall, taller than him—much to his irritation—his nose sharper, eyes less bright, dulled by the signs of age and he wonders when Eren will technically be an ' _adult_ '. To humans that'll be in 3 years from now, but Levi is unsure if he's ready to let go of Eren's hand just yet. But he'll have too, his back aches from with-holding his wings for too long, Erwin's presence is annoying and Heaven is not something he can just shut out and leave completely.

"It's just your voice is like a choir," Eren finally says, paint brush pressed into the palm of his hand so it doesn't drip all over the ground. Eren smiles, almost shyly. "It echoed weirdly, it was almost like—well, I don't know how to put it. You should sing more often."

He wonders if Eren understands how lucky he is. His soul was just blessed by hearing that, even if it was by accident.

Levi scoffs, waving Eren away. "Go back to painting, brat."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

Erwin descends into his home, in a literal fashion, when Eren is two months away from being 17.

Eren looks alarmed that Erwin simply opens the door and walks in, but Levi stays seated on the couch, sipping his tea as he motions for Eren to stay close to him. If Erwin is not fallen, then Eren will die upon touching Erwin and Levi would rather not have to deal with that. Yet.

"Levi," Erwin greets, suit slick and black as he regards Eren with a dark look before adding a more strained, "Child of Levi."

"His name is Eren," Levi adds in slowly, "Shouldn't you know this?"

"I do not." Erwin looks almost startled, eyes crinkling before he adds almost coyly, "His name is not on the  _List_. What a shame, he's still so young." Levi's hands stiffen, cup falling from his fingers as finally stands, ignoring how the tea spills across the floor, Eren looking almost startled that Levi would cause a mess by his own hand.

"Don't be fucking stupid, Eren has not sinned. Lying to me isn't going to make me return."

"Are you sure of that? Human teenagers are experimental creatures, they'll try something and be unknowing of the consequences of their actions."

"Levi—?"

Erwin holds his hand up, book appearing on the palm of it as he holds out the object to Levi. Levi scowls at the black book; The Book of Sinners. He had always had to carry both with him, to judge the good-doings and the sins of humans to weigh if they really deserve to go where the book says they should go. Sometimes the book is wrong (like the Catholic homo), so his viewing is a simple extra-check. He shoots Erwin a dirty look, snatching the book from his hand. "This shitty book is wrong half the fucking time Erwin, you fucking know this."

"Yes," Erwin hums, and Eren finally steps closer. "I'd advise you do not near me, child of man."

"What's going on—"

Levi flicks open the book, feeling the similar  _hum_  draining into his body as words begin to float over the pages, Eren steps back, eyes widening as the room becomes static. Levi's eyes glow, "Eren Yeager: Parents Carla Yeager, Grisha Yeager, adopted by Levi Ackerman. Current name Eren Ackerman. 17 years old. Sins: _Homosexuality_." The static falls, and Erwin smiles, almost placid. Images float through Levi, memories of Eren, it always happens when he reads the name of a human from the books. The memories are brief, Eren at Jean's house after school when Jean's mother has not returned from work. Eren's eyes drawn to men. He see's himself in Eren's memories, him holding Eren's hand, Eren smiling to a stoic faced man that Eren can only see as somebody so gentle, so  _gentle_.

In a way, Levi always knew this was the case.

"I see," Levi says slowly, looking to where Eren is still, face pale. He allows the book to dissolve into thin air, lips thinning as he looks back to Erwin. "So? Bringing me back is a shitty idea then, you know what I think about shit like that."

"Yes," Erwin says. "But, if you come back without a fight I will change the rules. There has been some pressure for reformation lately, so this would be a perfect time for the rules regarding homosexuality to be altered slightly. Unless, you would rather allow me to reap Eren's soul and place him in Hell."

" _You_ —!"

"Now, Levi, you are not  _human_. Watching you play this game is becoming tiresome. It is time for you too return."

He remembers Eren, holding his hand as they took walks after dinner. How Eren would smile to him, unknowing to all that's around him. He remembers picking Eren up, allowing him to climb the smaller poles in what humans call parks. Everything about Eren is a precious memory, how Eren was given a second chance because Levi had went against the rules and conveniently ended up in the same place. Maybe it was an act of God, maybe the big guy up there wanted his angel children to change their ways and him and Eren are the stepping stone to that. But not now, not  _now_.

"Eren is not yet an adult, in a year he will be old enough and I will return. If you change the laws by then, I will return."

Erwin disappears.

Levi allows his presence to fade away, the pressure of his insistence finally vanishing and he looks to where Eren is standing, body frozen. He guesses it makes sense, humans are scared of that they do not understand. 

"Levi—" Eren's voice is dry, the tone of it wavering and dying half way through, idly he licks his lips and looks down to his toes. "What are you?"

"Don't ask stupid fucking questions," Levi's thoughts wander to Eren and Jean and feels a headache coming on. What does he even say about seeing his child-thing? (What Eren is to him, he is not quite sure) and wonders if he should comment, put things out in the open. Except Eren is a teenager, soft and sore in all the wrong places. Like a squishy ball that's molded in some areas.

Eren frowns at that, "My parents names are Grisha and Carla?"

Levi watches, eyes forced to look as an unsettled look crawls and dies on Eren's face, and it probably wasn't meant for his ears but he hears the soft whisper of, "Eren  _Yeager_."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

Eren ends up changing all legal documents to his proper name.

Levi doesn't say anything, simply because it isn't as though Ackerman is his real name, either. He's lost meaning in his name long ago,  _Levi_  isn't even really his name. A simple easy nickname for all those in Heaven to call him by. Eren later introduces Jean formally as his boyfriend, and three months later they break up, Eren came home that day crying and angry and Levi was baffled in what he should do.

So he sang.

Like a child, Eren had curled into Levi's side after having crawled out of his room, he told Levi about him and Jean, how they were fighting all the time because Eren couldn't be emotionally  _stable_. It was weird to see Eren like that, like the child he once was, easy to touch, easy to understand. With years Eren has become distant, a figure that's slowly slipping through his fingers. It comes with age, with age children pull away and become their own person, yet in a way it's lonely. Eren prattled on about meaningless things, funny things, sad things.

"I don't want you to go," Eren finally says, his voice caked with sadness.

What was it that he had always said to humans when they were on their death beds when they were scared? He remembers comforting them, he really does. He would sing for them, tell them to close their eyes and allow the wade of the stream take them.  _All of us must go eventually_ , he'd tell them,  _you'll be going somewhere better_. His fingers slip through Eren's hair, stroking his head softly. It feels wrong to be so gentle, so calm in the presence when he understands the background knowledge. Eren is asking him not to go, and yet he has to, simply because he no longer  _belongs_. Not on Earth, this is not his home.

Not anymore.

So he brushes Eren's forehead clear of rogue strands of hair, so gentle, so very gentle like how he was in Eren's memories as a child, "Everyone must leave eventually."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

5 months before Eren turns 18, Levi decides to return to their roots.

Humans are weird like that, they like to know where they came from, their origins. In a way, angels like that as well. They're always noting things down, where a human came from, who they came from, what they've done, what their ancestors had done, people like to know the past. He doesn't know why, but he guesses it's something angels and humans share in a way. Levi half expects the old woman to be in her cottage on the outskirts of town, quiet and gentle as she knits a sweater or scarf, but Levi enters the cottage to find it devoid of furniture, none of the remaining warmth from the first few months of Eren's life there anymore.

"Did she die?" Eren asks, scarf wrapped around his neck and making him looked swallowed by the thing. Levi looks to him, looks around the house and feels slightly inclined to use his powers to figure out just that: humans leave their souls lingering in places, it's always annoying, before Levi collected souls he'd be in charge of cleaning up left behind parts of souls. Humans are pesky, always trying to dig their claws into things to remind people, even after death, what had once belonged to them. But he doesn't. He feels like he should not know the answer, whether she's alive or dead, it won't matter, he will see her soon enough.

"Who knows," Levi grunts in response, he stands in the middle of the empty house. To his right there was a large dark green chair which Levi would always sit on the left of, feeding Eren with what the old woman had called a ' _bottle of milk_ ' and Eren was only really ever quiet when he was drinking his bottle of milk, in a way, it's still the same. Eren never shuts up unless he's eating. To his left there was this weird bouncy thing, a colourful seat where he put Eren in and he'd bounce in his spot like a gleeful idiot and Levi would always spend those moments, head tilted in confusion as he tried to decode Eren's behaviour. He parts his lips, ready to tell Eren of these memories, to tell him their beginnings, how they were before they  _were_. He feels stunted, though, how should he explain the soft glow of the sun in the early mornings when Levi was kept up all night because Eren constantly cried? How Eren was always happiest on that dumb bouncy-colourful thing, how he'd always be bug-eyed in amazement whenever the old woman played a stupid cartoon kids movie, bright colours flashing before Eren's little green eyes.

"You were a troublesome brat." Levi says, as though a way of summarizing, Eren arches an eyebrow at that, looking slightly offended. He tugs at his gloves, dusting off a remaining portrait hanging on the wall. He's almost alarmed when he finds a picture of the three of them, Levi's face hardened, her face gentle and Eren's fist balled and held above his head, little baby mouth opened because he was always talking, even as a baby. Levi runs his fingers over the photo, almost astonished. Levi has lots of photos of Eren, mostly because the old woman taught him too. ' _Lots of photos for when he's older and you want to remember, they don't stay cute forever_!' She bought him a camera, told Levi to take photos and then bring them somewhere to print them, then to put them in albums. Levi had mostly only begun doing it because he was taught too, there was never really any feelings behind it.

He doesn't have feelings, there is no sense of attachment or love within him. Still, he feels rattled. Overcome by regret, because, why didn't he visit her earlier? He should have thanked her when him and Eren were on there feet, moving through life with ease because she had taught Levi everything.

"We should take it home." Eren suggests.

Levi stills, fingers running over her face with delicacy.

"Levi?" Eren asks more worriedly, and Levi finally turns to him ready to tell Eren to shut up because he's thinking, except Eren's lips thin, brows furrowing. "Why are you crying?"

"I can't cry, don't be stupid." Softly, he touches his own cheeks, dabbing away the wetness. How strange. Ever since he was reborn as an angel he'd been missing certain functions, angels would weep for dead humans but they would not cry, they could not. Crying involved too much emotion. Eren looks slightly confused, as though ready to snap back ' _well obviously you can, you're doing it_ ' but stays silent for a moment.

"Won't you see her in like, Heaven?" Eren asks slowly, maybe as a way of comforting him.

It's true. He will see her in Heaven, most likely. Even if she had killed somebody, her goodness of saving an infant child will usually outweigh any other sins. But in Heaven, how often does he really see other angels? He doesn't, not really. Nobody really ever  _talks_ , no one looks at old pictures in Heaven and smiles lightly, telling sad and happy stories about the pictures. No one wants to remember anything in Heaven, no one wants to be close to anyone. It's go go go, there's never any time to stop. When Eren dies, when they meet again, it'll be the exact same thing.

Eventually Levi will forget all these memories, time will take them away from him. How terrible time is, how cruel it is, stealing away anything that matters. Whether it be memories, people, or even his time with Eren.

Levi reaches out, pulling the frame off of the wall and ducking it under his armpit. "Let's go."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

He ends up calling her son, he tells him that she's still alive but in an old folks home, and Levi and Eren end up flying to where she's staying. She looks slightly surprised to see Levi, still the exact same age as when he had left her, and she smiles so gently when she spots Eren, face illuminating with kindness. Eren is awkward the entire time, not sure how to react to an old woman coddling him because he never really grew up in a 'coddled' environment. She tells Eren stories about Levi, Levi listens in silence like he had done at the cottage, sipping at tea as she shook a little toy rattle at Eren, telling him stories about her children and grandchildren. Except now she tells stories of Levi and Eren, how those months within her little home had passed.

At the very end, Levi asks if they can take a picture together.

"You did a good job," she says gently, hand placed on Levi's elbow as she smiles at him as him and Eren are getting ready to leave, "He's a very sweet child."

He thinks of Eren, drawing pictures as toddler, he thinks of Eren going down slides and swinging on swings, how they'd take walks and go shopping. He thinks of Eren when he's 13, screeching about God knows what as he cried and Levi rolled his eyes and dragged him to some expensive clothing store, and Eren had pranced around happily for an entire week before a new hissy fit occurred. He thinks of Eren painting, making dinner, telling him stories about school and showing him report cards and it all feels so stupidly long ago when in reality, Levi has lived centuries, and 17 years are nothing. Like a pin in an ocean. But it feels so stupidly long ago, like that pin has expanded and became a whale, always swimming to forefront of Levi's mind.

Eren is putting on his coat, stopping to hold the door open for an elderly man.

"Yeah," Levi says, watching how these old humans waddle around, smiling or frowning, one day Eren will be like this and it saddens him to think he will not be there to take pictures, "He's still a brat though."

She smiles. "They grow up so fast."

Levi can't help but agree.

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

With the approach of summer comes what humans refer to as 'Graduation'.

'Graduation' is a big word, a big, big word. All the human mothers and fathers rattle on about pride, tell each other what their child plans on doing. Eren is the same, having applied to 7 schools, getting into 4 and decided to go to a science school close to home despite his love for art. Levi hadn't pushed too much on the subject, deciding that Eren having chose to do science over art is apparently  _better_ , he's not sure. Mikasa get's a scholarship for judo for a school in Tokyo, deciding to return to Japan where her parents had died. Armin decides to go oversea's, and Eren had cried saying how lonely he'll become. Neither of them mention with the flow of time will come Levi's departure, as well. Levi prepares everything, he writes an entire book of things Eren has to make sure to do when he leaves, he makes sure that there's enough money for Eren so Eren won't be poor and struggling his entire way through school.

He worries, constantly. Eren still can't cook full meals, still cries whenever he's sad and throws temper tantrums. How is a child supposed to become an adult during one ceremony? What if Eren loses his way? What if Eren meets somebody bad and get's hurt? Levi won't be able to help him, neither will Mikasa or Armin. Soon Eren will be all alone and Levi doesn't want him to be alone.

Eren still prattles on at dinner, talking about everything and nothing.

"Why didn't you go to an art school?" Levi finally asks, at one of their dinners, and Eren looks surprised.

Eren frowns, turning his head to look at the photo of him, Levi and the old woman. "I want to stay here," Eren explains, his voice soft and gentle, "I don't want to leave this home even after you're gone. I just, I don't know," he makes an awkward shrug of his shoulders and Levi understands. He doesn't want to leave this home, either. Eren jolts forward, fork accidentally hitting the edge of his plate and the sound vibrates through the house, "But I'll see you again. So I'm okay."

"You'll be fine even if you don't," Levi adds in, "Just don't do anything stupid."

 

 

 

~*~

 

 

 

 

If he could reverse time, he would.

When Eren was a baby he'd cradle him safely within his arms, he'd always hold his hand near Eren's face and like a gleeful baby Eren would gently wrap his tiny fist around one of his fingers. It's one of the reasons Levi had become so fond of Eren, he was so small and gentle, always quick to cry or be happy. There'd never be a constant emotion. It was fascinating to Levi who couldn't express emotions at all. Now Eren's hand is bigger than his, his emotions still always quick to change depending on every word Levi says. He places all those dumb albums he had made of Eren on the kitchen table, he had never really shown them to Eren cause in a way it seemed embarrassing, as though admitting to Eren he was immensely fond of the human child he had raised.

He thinks maybe he should leave a note, something like ' _I'll kill you if you burn down my house_ ', but doesn't.

He tucks a few of those ugly drawings Eren had drawn as a child of him and Levi into his coat pocket, wondering if someone will tell him he can't carry those around because human objects shouldn't be in Heaven. He wonders if he can just keep these, at least. He's a shitty angel, he really shouldn't be one at all. He had a better time living as human than some stone-faced angel, he wishes he could stay. But it's better this way. If he doesn't, what if somebody reaps Eren's soul to Hell? He can't accept that.

Eren is a good kid.

Eren is his kid, and like fuck will he let someone punish Eren for being gay.

 

 

 


End file.
